Wow, its almost been 7 years since I wrote my Guide to get Gash. I have gotten a lot of people laid because of it and strangely I met this girl because of it & she was a cheeky git she had a boyfriend at the time, WHAT A PAGAN YAT. It’s still the most popular post on my website. Check it HERE. I was even featured on Channel 4’s Documentary “The Joy of teen sex” talking about my Guide to Get Gash.
Obviously A lot has changed & I have Learned a lot. I have matured a lot & was in a Serious relationship for a good few years. So I thought I’ll give my advice once again. If I’m honest I have been really excited for doing another Guide to get Gash. I’m Probably going to highlight a few of the most important pointers I have Said in the Original post. Also This Guide will apply to anyone ! Male, Female, Straight, Gay, Bi sexual, The whole Shabang.
As a person, I’m Honest & Blunt, I don’t sugar coat stuff or put a front on. I’m not really scared to get my views across & I speak from the heart so when I’m talking about the deep points it all 100.
BTW if you get all of Guide points with the reference Grime Lyrics, I owe you a Pint.
*Disclaimer* Also I wont be mentioning names of my previous Relationships or events I have witnessed or heard of from my Friends & etc. I made this guide to help you guys out but just remember its all light hearted & I dont want to offend anyone or be sued because your an idiot & my fool proof guide didn’t work for you or your Baby Mum Slapped you up because you been macking felicia lol. Also If you think I’m sending indirects or talking about you PSSSSSSHT.
Also I do not Agree with misogyny towards women, I’m Not on some LAD Dapper laughs ting.
Yeah I can’t Lie, Women are the most Powerful thing in the world. They are EVERYTHING !
1. MAN’S A REAL MAN INIT
From the Wise words of Juelz Santanna
“She looked at me and said, you’s a baby, right, I told her I’m 18 and live a crazy life Plus I’ll tell you what the 80’s like And I know what ladies like, Need a man that’s polite, listens and takes advice
I could be all three, plus I can lay the pipe”
Personally I like older women, don’t get it twisted I’m not into Milf’s on some wrinkly old woman flex. but if she’s a tasty hot spice, mans gunna draw for his phone & Get her number.
Women Like confidence especially older women, they want a man, so you need to act like one ! Be A Gentlemen, Sell your self & Tell her you can be a man for her init, Gas her up & Take her somewhere nice. Don’t take her to Nando’s for the first date my G.
Who are you ? Some 16 year old Tasteless Road man with no decorum. That will put her right off, you need be a G, not a silly twat chilling outside of Mcd’s on Tottenham High road on a pedal bike.
2. How old is he Fam ? He’s about 22, 23
Some Women are are mad boujey with ages fam we are both 23 and you only date older guys ? Fam stop being ageist I aint 10 G.
If your going to try and chat up a girl & Gas her up, there is nothing more you need than Confidence. Women love confidence if you do it right and act like a G, your in there my son.
No point in being shy + why are you going to be shy, why are you scared ? Whats the worst that can happen, If you act all timid asking for her number, why would she give some little shy boy her number ? your going to fail, Just have faith in yourself !
4. On a real doe
At times I think I’m too honest at times & I have just got in trouble just saying what I feel & not hiding stuff 😦
In a relationship you have to be honest even if you fucked up, just tell them, don’t be a kid and hide it + if they find out and you haven’t told them, your going to be in more trouble. you will get more respect from your significant other being honest. Trust me.
5. Saw your Girl like MMMM MMMM, YEAH, YEAH !
Fam, It’s a MYTH ! Don’t be the biggest scum bag on earth & slide a Dm into your mates wifey’s Facebook even if shes craving your D & mad Thotting on insta. lool Basically I have a rule, Don’t Fuck with your mates Wifey or his big crush, thats peak fam. HOES over Bro’s fam ! Theres bare WOMEN in this world to go around init, stop being a thirsty ass hoe & go out to Dalston and Draw some piff hipster ting with a big back.
6. May the best man Win
A few years ago probably back in 2011 or something. there was this girl I really wanted to get with, I sly sly wanted to date her lol I look back at it now & I’m glad I didn’t. Anyway, Basically I was bare trying to draw her & this breh who was her “friend” who blatantly got friend zoned by this ting. he took me to the side and was getting pissed off that I was trying to get with her. The thing is, if it was his girl or he was with her or smashing her or what ever then obviously I would of backed off and left it but this breh has been friends with her for time and he’s been a little pussy to try and go for the kill.
Basically I was saying “Mate, may the best man win. if you draw her its yours, I wont be mad, If I draw its cool nothing personal my g, but this breh got mad angry and was trying to fight me, this breh was getting mad aggy about gash & I’m definetly not going to fight over some girl. Obviously if it was my Girl, it’s another story. Moral of the story is stop being a wasteman and go for the kill, what’s the worst that can happen ? which leads me onto the number 7.
7. Don’t Be some watse man neek & Be all Innocent & become her Friend for months and wait for that Moment when your fucked up & Alone and try it.
I really fucking hate these brehs, you piss me off so much its unreal, like its shows what a looser you are. Fam why are you going to become her “Friend” but you have other intensions ? Like why can’t you lay it on the table and be honest & say you like her or show it rather than be sneaky and act like a friend and act like your just friends and try and build the confidence after a few months to try it with her ? like what the fuck ?. obviously I know there are people who are genuinely friends and then they get closer and start liking each other but that’s different.
8. Stop making excuses, We don’t care about yous iszms and squisms
It really pisses me off when people say, she’s out of my league. At the end of the day, we are all human, no one is more superior to you, we are all on the same level. Don’t say “she won’t like me because my acne its peak”, Yeah, Acne is a par & it is bun, but your probably over thinking it. It probably isn’t that bad. Or stuff saying “she won’t like me” how the fuck do you know ? you haven’t even tried ? What I always say is that you might as well try and take a shot and score than not taking the shot in the first place because then you have no chance what so ever if you don’t take the shot. So stop making excuses and get in there my son.
9. Grime over GASH
It might not be your cup of tea or you wouldn’t choose Grime over a Girl but what I’m tryna say is don’t let a girl get in front of your career & let you fuck up your shit. I always remember when I was 17 I left my friends house in Haringey & was on the way to this Grime rave at the Alibi & while I was on the train this really hot girl in her early 20’s started talking & was quite upset and was a bit drunk telling me she just broke up with her boyfriend & was down for the cause & she wanted me to come back with her to her house. Man was MAD GASSED ! SHE WAS PIFF ! But I Told her lets go to this Grime rave first & then we can roll yours she wasn’t on it so we went our separate ways but the worst thing was I rolled up to Alibi & got mixed up with dates & found it was next week. Yeah i could of Smashed but it was a PAR. SAD TING 😦
10. Tinder, Tinder, Tinder, Tinder, Tinder ting
I must say if your to shook to approach girls, Tinder is perfect for you, or if you just want to find someone what ever your intentions may be, I say give it a go, I highly recommend it. For me though Tinder is just full of plain Jane white girls lol There a lot of hot Girls on there and some very interesting ones at that but you have to sift through the dirt to find a Diamond. Its my own personal opinion, But give it a try what do you have to loose ?
11. Wavey Garms, Dress to Impress, Spark this bitches interest
I really care about what I wear init, maybe some of you might not be that fashion conscious or don’t really have a sense of style & Get head to toe in H&M, Topman or Primark, Dont get it twisted they have wavey stuff at times. OR on the other end you some fuck boy Hype beast. lol heres my Essential tips for a first date or looking fly at the club trying to draw, Fresh Creps, Shoes, Heels. Clean Fly footwear says a lot about someone. Please make sure You have gotten a fresh trim & your cleanly shaven, Your not going to get lucky if you look like a Tramp are you ? I know the phrase, don’t judge a book by its cover & its isn’t all about looks, but I can definitely tell you its helps.
Also accessories are a big thing they are good conversation starter, wherever it be a nice watch, a Gold, Earings a ring or what ever. Lads, please avoid them T shirts with naked girls. they are so cringe its a joke or a T shirt that says Tits inspector or something stupid like that, Please don’t do it. Fundamentally, Dress well, Put in some effort & thought into your outfit, Don’t try too hard And be comfortable in what your wearing.
12. BE YOUR SELF
Honestly, be your self, if you can’t be yourself and she doesn’t like you then fuck her init. Don’t be someone your not & put up a front, Thats Dead. You don’t need someone like that in your life, Trust me, You will find someone else cuzzy. Plenty more fish in the Sea my G.
13. I’m walking away
Literally I have learnt a lot recently. I’m at a point in life where the girls I really like never seem to materialise to anything either, they have a Boy Friend, Nuts or Not interested:(
if you give her your all and she isn’t on it then it really isnt worth it because in the long run if she ain’t gunna roll with you and she aint that interested it wont work G.
14. COME MY HOUSE ? MANS GOT DRUGS & HOLY WATER
Real talk, No Bill cosby ting init, But some times you need to get wavey and relax with your beat. LOOK WE ALL KNOW THE DEAL INIT. like if they are consenting to consume alcohol & do narcotics with you and you get down to business and they are not off her face and knew the deal when she was sober & consensual its fine. I honestly think as well when girls come over and get fucked and get down to business, they can make excuses to there friends saying I was fucked so they don’t look like a “slut” in front of their friends, Its sad world we live in today. Make sure you have a Fridge full of Beer, Cider, Spirits, some Loud, and a choice of White powder’s. but remember when you take coke you need Viagra to lash it or your not going to get up ( no homo ) which leads me to my next point.
15. Not on The Codeine, Pass out Leaning
As I said In point before its always Good to get wavey with your Ting. But Don’t get too fucked up and pass out especially if your out or in a club and its your first date or one of the first dates, Women don’t like a man who can’t look after himself & + it goes for girls as well the amount of Girls ive seen fucked up & I’m like LEAVE IT YEAH. Yeah I have dated a lot of alcoholics in my time. The moral of the story is that Don’t pass out at your yard with your ting and you wake up with a Empty bed a Dirty Hang over & opening Porn hub up. That’s such a par man.
16. Got this bad bitch who live in qubec, No Roaming charges, so she hits me with texts
For me long distant relationships are not for me but I haven’t really been in that situation it has been worth to keep it up. My advice is just keep the phone call and social messages on a consistent basis and try to meet up as much as possible & have a clear conversation if your just going to be exclusive with each other or if your going to fuck about or what ever. Also I would if they are worth it relocate for them.
17. Cruising in The Fucking Jag, The windows are slightly tinted because they know me
No matter what she says, I think she gets a bit Flustered if you pull up in the whip, especially if its a nice one. Man dem get your money & keep stacking, cop a spaceship, Pick her up & Bang out Rinse Fm & Ride slow, SKIRRRRRRRRRRT. *If she’s down, go to the back seats and for thanks for giving her a ride hopefully she will give you one. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Yo real talk though if you don’t have a car and shes starts acting uo that you don’t have a car. Then asak her. WHERE’S YOUR CAR FAM ?
18. I Broke them off with a funny coloured Sprite
Break ups are hard, But trying to snort, Drink or smoke your pain away will never work, it might numb it for a while but it will just fuck you up more, Just try and be positive and hopefully it will work itself out.
19. I don’t want you Hand in Marriage, I Just want to ride your Horse and carriage.
With me, I’m honest, So if I Meet a girl I’m just real, If I just want to mack and not wifey her, I’ll tell her I’m not on about playing games its better to be honest and upfront with what you want rather than one side of the party getting the wrong idea & getting hurt.
20. I’m a Flirt & I’ve always been a Dirty Flirts
My advice with Flirting is that don’t be sleazy or cheesy. When you think you can be a bit forward do it. but just anaylise the situation init. with me I do a lot of stupid lines but I laugh at them after I say it don’t be too serious but confidence is key 100%.
21. Girls Love pricks + Tupac Speaks the realest shit ever.
I have been saying this for a while, I’m not saying every girl is like this but it seems like the nice the nice guys finish last, maybe its some of sort of Girls I go Maybe they Don’t like being appreciated or be treated like a Queen or maybe for they have low self esteem & want to be treated how they feel about them selves. They rather go with the Low level Coke Dealer with a stone island jacket they got in the Christmas sale at Selfridges with a VW polo driving around London picking up tings who have probably will suck them off for a few lines or a score of loud lol. SMH, while you at home texting him you love him. Girls you just got played by a Chump & that Nice geezer you was with now has left your ass for a white girl. looool [I’m not talking about me I’m not that much of a fan of White chocolate]. Just watch this Video of Tupac talking a lot of sense. The best quote was probably “If you can call yourself a bitch no one else can you a bitch” watch it HERE.
22. GOD FORGIVE ME IF I BUSS MY 9
Lets be honest Condoms are shit. Yes, Bussing your 9 in her is the ting but If you piping her & shes talking about kids when your hitting it then you better pull out but if it’s already happened and your reading this, its too late lol
Real talk though use condoms, Because you really don’t want to get a STD, Go on google and see how much some of these things Fuck up your Piece / minge. You dont want to have a kid at the age of 20 from Becky / Andre & you met them at Fabric after a MAD NIGHT.
Go To your Local Clinic & Get some Free condoms if your a true Finesser.
23. I’m like Pizza hut & Your like Pizza go go, Wife a Ho, thats a No No, I’ll Never give a girl my last Rolo, but I’m still Getting thoughts of my girl going up on and down on a next man Like a YOYO.
MAD TING, SAD TING 😦
It’s hard to get over your ex, Time is a great healer, if you ment to be it will happen. do your thing.
24. Yeah, She keep her body clean
THIS IS ESSENTIAL ! This goes for everyone, Make sure you clean your teeth properly & have minty Fresh breath when your on the pull & always carry gum on you. Because no one and I mean no one wants to kiss someone and stick their mouth down your throat if your breath is kicking. Always have a nice Cologne on & have your signature one so when you see you ting, she will get addicted to that smell. TRUST ME. Please Lads, If it smells cheap & Tacky don’t even bother wearing it, but maybe the girls your going for like that. lol Spray some nice deodorant on or if you forgot and you smelling a bit peak because you was in a rush and sweated a bit, go to the off licence and cop Lynx or something or if your in the club, Draw for the £1 for Bossman in the Toilets to get a few sprays.
Real Talk though before your date & or if your going to see wifey, Make sure you do your business And have a shower, Trim, Shave, Clean Your bits properly & clean your arse properly, even if you have to go home after work or go to the shower straight away when you get to hers. There have been a few Fatal times in my Life I Have been doggying a girl and you can smell her arse, Its probably the worst thing ever & the biggest turn off ever. If it hasn’t happened to you then, Lucky you or your probably lying or never got laid, I have spoke to a lot of my friends on the real about this & its happened to them, It’s peak as well but yeah keep clean because if you want to keep having sex with that girl you met in Visions who you snorted Cocaine off her tits you should probably keep clean because if sucking you off and can smell something funky she probably wont reply to your whats app messages again mate & she definitely isn’t going to lick your Gooch lol.
To be honest It has even happened to the most Prettiest Girls so yeah at the end of the day we all human. Fix up look sharp
25.I said I’ll be a minute, of course I was an hour
I am the king of being late, I honestly am, at my Secondary school I have the highest record in my school of being late in a school year. lol but I’m older & more mature now and yeah of course I’m late at times, maybe by 15 minutes or so. but its kind of peak of leaving your date or significant other waiting for an hour or so, I’m not naming names but when your late on a constant basis & late by a few hours & as much 4 hours + or cancel all the time. you showing no respect to them and showing you don’t really give fuck about them at all and is the biggest par ever, especially if you love them & you planned something out.
26. 99 Flake
I hate MYTHS ! I’m sick of girls being a bigger ghost than casper. Yeah I don’t have time for you 99p Flakes anymore.
27. I love you
Even thugs Fall in love, lol. Basically I’ve only been in Love in Once & yeah its an amazing feeling. If you have been with been with someone for a while & you think they are perfect and your world, you can’t stop thinking about them, Just tell them 3 words. Express your feelings and tell them how you feel about them and hopefully they will feel the same about you. Don’t say it if you dont mean it. You have to think about it a lot and evaluate it. The only thing that matters in this world is LOVE & Finding that person that completes your life. I know I sound’s moist but it’s true.
28. Girl when I Want you, Ain’t nothing I won’t do
When some one loves you to death & will do anything for you and fall over backwards for you, I hope you realise that & hold on to dear Life and treat them the way they treat you and appreciate you.
29.Fuck it attitude, You only live once.
Real talk, I’ve been saying you only live once for years, way before Drake’s “Yolo” phrase from “The Motto”. I fucking hate that Yolo phrase, its such a fucking cringe phrase, its so true though. On the 21st of December 2012 I was working at Selfridges & there was this house party in Tottenham only down the road & the party was quite good, There was a lot of people I knew there but I had work in the morning and I wasn’t on really drinking that much & I was going to stay that long. Around the time I was going to Leave I saw this piff ting, She screamed me, She looked amazing, I always remember what she was wearing. I remember I spoke to her about a year or so briefly for a few minutes, she knew a lot of Friends I know. So I went up to her and spoke for a bit I remember her from 2 years ago. I completely forgot about but when I saw her I recognised her & I remember that I have her on Facebook. The convo finished & I thought to myself, I have to get this girls number. So I got my Channel Sweatshirt back from my Friend who I swapped it with for some reason. It was around 12 & got ready to leave and thought I’ll get her number and leave after so I came up with the courage to ask her for her number. Good thing was that I got her number & we talked all night till the early hours of the morning i think i left the house around 7 & walked home which only took me 5 minutes We Really hit it off & I managed to make it work. Long story short, she became my first true love & more importantly, my best friend. She had given me so many happy moments & I could not imagine my life without her.
Basically If I didn’t ask for her number & had no balls, I would of never had all them happy moments we had together.
So next time you see your crush or that girl you really like or Piff ting walking down the street, Say Hi, ask her for number, Taker her out on a date.
The Moral of the story is, Seize the moment because you never know, because tomorrow is never promised & that person could be love of your life & complete your life.
30. RIDE OR DIE
Yeah I have thought a Lot about this lately. The Girl I go out with & marry will be my best friend. Like she has to be there for me & roll with meto Grime Raves. I’m going to be there for her 100% & Support her we are going to be a Team. GANG GANG ! I feel like she just won’t be my girlfriend she will literally be my everything.
I think I have Learnt a lot for since the last time I wrote this post back in 2010 seeing as the last point was
BOIIIIIIIIIIIII OF THE TING HER IN FACE LOL ERM RESPECT EACH OTHER AND THANK EACH OTHER FOR THE EXPERIENCE STAY YOUNG.
GASH BY THE HOUR !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Check the original post from 2010 when I was 17 HERE.
I Saw Your Girl on my site like & she was like MMMM, MMMM, YEAH, YEAH !
Gave Her a Flyer For D&G & she was like MMMM, MMMM YEAH YEAH !
Make sure You come down to my night, D&G @ VISIONS. More details HERE.
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